


I'd rather leave this embrace between you and I

by CrayolaRainbow



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Apologies, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Cheek Kisses, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Sort Of, hand holding, its avantika, mentions of avantika (critical role)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrayolaRainbow/pseuds/CrayolaRainbow
Summary: Fjord and Caduceus are holding hands and kissing on the cheek, they've gotten much more touchy-feely since Fjord started calling Caduceus his "better half", but they just don't kiss and thats whats throwing Jester.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 190





	I'd rather leave this embrace between you and I

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Big Houses by Squalloscope. (Thank you again, Luna!)
> 
> cw for a brief discussion of fjord and avantika, and fjord's uncomfortableness with all of it, and the m9 not backing down.
> 
> unbeta'd

“Fjord, should we get you and Caduceus a room away from ours?” Jester asks out of the blue one evening.

They’re in Zadash, eating dinner at the Leaky Tap before heading up for the evening. They were mostly separate for the day, splintering off when they first arrived in the city that morning. Caleb and Beau were still at the Cobalt Soul doing research.

Caduceus was probably with them, blessing them when they needed the boost, and doing his own research. Fjord knows that Caduceus has his own shopping he wants to do, but he’s probably putting it off to do tomorrow morning before their friends need his help again. Yasha and Veth had wandered off to do some shopping, and had been at the tavern when Fjord and Jester arrived.

Fjord had wandered the city by himself for most of the morning, reminiscing and doing some hard thinking. It was difficult to find the Wildmother sometimes in cities, but it never hurt to try. He’d met up with Jester after she sent him a rather rambling message asking him to meet her at a cupcake shop.

“I’m sorry, what? Why would we need to do that?”

“Well, you know…” Jester leans forward conspiratorially. “So you don’t have to worry about us hearing if you and Caduceus decide to _bone_.”

Fjord chokes on his ale. “W- wh- what?” he splutters and coughs.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Fjord, we were all on the Ball Eater when you and Avantika spent some nights together,” Yasha says.

“Yeah, Fjord, you can do some ball eating of your own here on land. I do it all the time with Yeza when he’s around,” Veth leers.

“ _Oh my gods_ ,” Fjord says in between hacking and coughing. He can feel the back of his neck and the tips of his ears flushing. “No, Caduceus and I don’t need a room farther away. We won’t be doing that tonight.” Or any night, he thinks to himself.

“But _Fjooooord_ ,” Jester says.

“”But Fjord” what, Jester?” Caduceus rumbles before sitting down next to Fjord. He kisses Fjord on the cheek and Fjord squeezes his hand in return. “What are we talking about?”

“Yeah, what’d we miss?” Beau asks. Caleb flags down a barkeep and orders more drinks for their group.

“We were discussing whether or not Fjord and Caduceus should get a room farther away from the rest of us just in case things get loud tonight,” Yasha says.

“Oh!” Beau says, surprised.

“Oh,” Caleb says, like he’s not quite sure what to do with that information.

“Oh,” Caduceus says, and Fjord can feel his walls going up, as Caduceus grows tense.

“Yeah, and Fjord says that we don’t need to because you and Fjord aren’t going to have sex tonight, Caduceus. But I was thinking, what about tomorrow?! It’d be such a hassle to get you guys a new room just so you can, y’know…” Jester trails off.

“Jester, I really don’t think we’re gonna need it tomorrow, either,” Fjord says.

“But how do you _know_. Maybe tomorrow Caduceus will do something so cool and sexy that you’ll swoon into his arms and then you’ll totally want to bang it out.”

Fjord chokes on his drink again. He’s not sure why he’s bothering to attempt to drink it right now with the way the conversation is going, but _fuck_ he needs the alcohol.

“Jester-” Caleb says warningly.

“No, It’s all right Caleb.” Caduceus puts his hand on Fjord’s thigh, a comforting weight, and a question. Can he tell them?

Fjord puts his hand over Caduceus’ and squeezes tight. Yes.

“Fjord and I won’t be having sex. Tonight, tomorrow, or any time in the future.”

“ _What?!_ ” Jester shrieks, and Fjord winces. “It’s not because of us, is it?” And fuck, Fjord can tell just how worried she is by this revelation. “Because I noticed that you and Fjord don’t ever kiss in front of us either, and I don’t want you to be holding back forever because of us or because you’re shy or something.”

“What? No, it’s not because of you,” Fjord says. Jester sits back down in her chair, mollified at least enough to let him talk. “Caduceus and I just don’t like to kiss.”

“Is it because of the tusks?” Beau gestures to her mouth.

“Beau-” Caleb says and puts a hand on her arm.

“What, it’s just a question!”

“Yes, but-” Caleb says, but Fjord cuts him off.

“No, Caleb, it’s fine. I just don’t like kissing people. It’s not because of the tusks, I’ve just never liked it.” Fjord shrugs. “Even when I filed them down, I didn’t like the feeling.”

“Well what about _you_ Caduceus?” Veth asks. “You _must_ like kissing.”

Caduceus shakes his head. “I don’t like kissing either. And even if I did, I wouldn’t be kissing Fjord anyways, because he doesn’t like it.”

Yasha hums and nods her head. “That makes sense.”

“And I don’t want to have sex, ever, so we don’t need to get a room away from everyone else,” Caduceus rumbles. 

“Wait, Fjord, does this mean you don’t like sex either?” Beau asks. “Have you always not liked sex, or is this a new thing since becoming a follower of the Wildmother?”

Fjord’s blushing over his whole body. The only thing grounding him is Caduceus’ hand still on his thigh. Fjord drinks the rest of his ale before answering. “No, I’ve never liked sex,” he says into his mug. “Makes me feel all…” he shudders. “Slimey and weird.”

Fjord can see the thought work its way through Caleb’s head and sees the moment Caleb realizes what that means in regards to Avantika. Caleb freezes, and whispers “Schiesse” to himself.

Caleb opens his mouth to say something, but Jester blows right past him.

“But how will you know that you love each other if you don’t kiss at least once?” she asks.

“We kiss each other on the cheek, we hold hands, we cuddle and sleep next to each other, but not with each other,” Caduceus says. “Just because we don’t show our love to each other with kisses on the lips or more private things, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other very much.”

“Oh, well. I guess that makes sense,” Jester says. “I’m still _so_ happy for you guys.”

Everyone nods in agreement, and just like that, the conversation has moved to other topics. Eventually, Veth gets up to get them rooms and they all trickle off to go to sleep. Fjord and Caduceus get up to go to their room, but Caleb stops Fjord with a hand on his arm as he passes.

“Do you need me to?” Caduceus asks.

“Nah, you go on ahead, I’ll catch up.” Fjord says, and Dueceus leaves, with a concerned glance behind him.

Fjord sits back down in the chair next to Caleb. “Yes?”

“Fjord, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry if we forced you into anything you didn’t want to do on the Ball Eater,” Caleb says. “It wasn’t our intention, and I’m very very sorry if we hurt you by pushing.”

“I mean, I’m the one who agreed to it,” Fjord laughs, but its hollow even to his own ears. “I’m okay, it’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Caleb says sharply. “It was a terrible situation and in no way was it okay,” he says firmly. “I won’t let it happen again, to you or to any of us.”

“Thank you Caleb, I really appreciate that.”

“It’s nothing. Now go, have some alone time with your better half.”

Fjord laughs. “Don’t I know it.” He claps Caleb on the shoulder before heading off to join Caduceus upstairs.

He knocks quietly on the door before opening it, giving Cad enough time to cover his bits if he needs to. He closes the door behind him and walks over to the bed to take off his boots. Dueces stands in the middle of the room, taking off his armor and setting it by the door piece by piece.

“Everything okay out there?” he asks, keeping a careful eye on Fjord. He finishes taking off his own armor and pulls Fjord up to help him with his.

Fjord rests his head on Cad’s chest as Cad unbuckles the leather armor. “I suppose.” He sighs. “Caleb apologized for Avantika, and I suspect I’m going to get a lot more apologies tomorrow.”

Dueces hums and Fjord can feel it against his cheek. “Are you alright? That was a lot we just revealed to them.”

Fjord pulls away slightly so Caduceus can pull the armor over his head. They curl up on the bed together, Cad’s feet hanging off the edge. “It needed to be said. Better now, and all at once, rather than later or separately. Jester seemed pretty worried that it might be her fault that we weren’t… y’know. I’ll be better tomorrow after they finish with their apologies.”

Caduceus kisses his forehead. “Hey, I love you, you know that, right? You’re a very strong man, and you have a good heart in you.”

Fjord smiles and kisses Caduceus’s cheek. “I love you too.”

The warm summer breeze blows through the cracks around the window and wraps around the two of them. The Wildmother’s blessing.

They have no dreams that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Like, comment and subscribe! Let me know what you think
> 
> I'm @the-emerald7 on tumblr.


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